It’s Apparent… We Need To Heal
A Nu Parent’s Look Into Stopping Traumatic Projections Before They Begin
This is written for all those individuals whose parents or legal so-called guardians have attempted to project and perpetuate cycles of blame, guilt, shame, and other negative emotions onto them as if they were your responsibility to heal, and not their own. This is for all those children who blamed themselves, thought they were the problem, and didn’t know where to turn to, because turning within would result in hearing even more anxious voices telling them more of what they do not deserve to hear. This is for those generous and capable souls who may not know it yet, but who surely have the birthright to be their own human being, and to break generational cycles right in their tracks. Right now, I hear you, and you do not have to be anyone’s emotional punching bag, or trauma bonded ‘friend’.
When I began seeing the common denominators in my previous relationships, I saw that most of them were formed from a place of trauma bonding. I felt that, because we had similar pasts, similar upbringings, and even similar grudges against those who called themselves our parents, we were fated to have met. This was and always will be tragic fanaticism that will never do any good for the healing of myself or the collective soul we refer to as the Universe, Source, or God (among many others). I was focused on the problem and on feeling ‘ok’ with my catatonic state, since I was not the only one, and therefore I didn’t push myself to change, and to heal. When I began focusing on the actual healing and seeing the ways in which my nu friends and family had healing modalities, methods, and practices in common with my own, that was the moment that everything started to permanently change for the better.
The mother wound is unarguably the deepest wound we have, as our mothers are the very first organisms we ever encounter. Every being on this planet has this in common, and so it also remains to be one of the hardest wounds to talk about, since it began even before birth. One may even think of the bellybutton as a physical representation of this wound, and being located at the sacral center, the symbolism of emotionally fueled and charged relationships comes into play here. To have this area wounded is very detrimental, since we need accountability for our emotions in order to move up to self-confidence, love, expression, true perception, and real connection thusly. In returning to our rainbow bodies, all energies must be accounted for, and to have one chakra wounded means that all are wounded in some way. Until true acceptance of the Self throughout all existences can be… the wound persists inevitably.
The sacral chakra is blocked primarily by guilt. Parents can often guilt us into doing things we do not want to do, and this exemplifies how I stated in the previous paragraph that a rupture in one energy center causes ruptures in all the others. Guilt feeds other negative emotions, such as shame, fear, grief, lies, illusion, and over-attachment to the physical. An example of guilt being programmed into us, is our mothers acting as if we owe them something because they brought us into the world. In reality, we brought ourselves into the world. Our mothers nurtured the vessel which our souls would inhabit. Also, many mothers will use this example to justify the guilt which they themselves feel for having a baby before they were ready. Another common guilt-projection unevolved parents may utilize, is ‘I will always be your mother/father’, or ‘you only get one mother/father’. This is simply not true. Reincarnation works every which way. Also, it should be noted that when you set boundaries with a toxic individual, another healthier individual will come into your life to fill in that archetype. You will have many mothers and many fathers to choose from. Do not let them make you think otherwise. Also, you have a spiritual mother figure and father figure in the astral realm. All you have to do is look, and see. Which spirits stand out to you? Which ones have been with you since day one? Of whom do you have the fondest childhood memories with? This may seem like a specific and odd question to ask, but when you research certain deities symbologies, you will find that it’s easier than it looks.
We are all people who have been ripped from the bliss of our divine mothers womb with no consent… and yet, we have been ripped from ourselves by this very action, just as harshly, for it is we who are our own mothers and fathers, since we are self-created beings. And yet, there lies the paradox, for, like Set of Kemetic mythos, we are the being who hath ripped the body from the womb in the first place. This soul fragmentation results in the normalization of continued trauma. You do not deserve to perpetuate the patterns your ancestors have laid out for you. As a matter of fact, those ancestors have laid out these obstacles for you to overcome, because it is your destiny to do so. It is up to you whether you want to see them as enemies or as opportunities. You are not meant to be another cog in the machine of capitalistic tendencies sprouted from the inadequacies of flawed European societal standards. Read that sentence again, please, because that subject will be getting its own article. You are meant to make this bliss on Earth. It is completely possible, but you must begin right where you are.
The cells make up the organs in the body. The organs make up the systems in the body. The systems make up the body. Bodies make up families. Families make up towns, and cities, and these make up societies. This is how it all ripples outward. You can do things differently than those before you, and in fact, you are meant to! Your parents and so-called guardians may be intimidated by this, but that is only because they are not you. If you tell them the truth about themselves and they find a way to blame you for it, then you need to move away from them. Set strict boundaries in place, and do not loosen those boundaries under any circumstances. Setting boundaries is actually an act of love, because you allow yourself to thrive and circulate your own energy rather than giving it to someone else who doesn’t appreciate it in the first place.
It can be said that we are products of the environments in which we grew. This means that we likely have picked up character traits from those in our families who were meant to raise us. It is of crucial importance that we examine these character traits for what they are, and really ask ourselves if they resonate with the person we want to be in this world. Please take some time to answer these important questions to ask yourself in relation to this, are:
1: Do you remember a time when you felt no pressure from the outside world to be anything but yourself?
2: Describe that time/setting in your mind and in great detail. Feel how you felt then.
3: What are some qualities you love about yourself?
4: What are some qualities about yourself that leave a bad taste in your mouth?
5: Do you think these qualities have come from previous lives, or from the way you were raised in the present life?
6: Which parts of yourself are like your mother?
7: Which of these parts do you view as ‘positive’, or ‘good’?
8: Why is it that you view these qualities as ‘good’? Was that something that she instilled in you, or is it coming from the real you?
9: Which of these parts do you view as ‘negative’, or ‘bad’?
10: Why is it that you view these qualities as ‘negative’, or ‘bad’? Was that something that she instilled in you, or is that coming from the real you?
11: Who is the real you? Who are you in relation to your mother? Don’t say ‘her child’. That one is obvious. I’m asking you how does she see you, and why? Are you okay with the way she sees you, and is the way she sees you congruent with the real you, or does your personality change when you are with her, to ‘make her proud’?
12: Which parts of yourself are like your father?
13: Which of these parts do you view as ‘positive’, or ‘good’?
14: Why is it that you view these qualities as ‘good’? Was that something that he instilled in you, or is it coming from the real you?
15: Which of these parts do you view as ‘negative’, or ‘bad’?
16: Why is it that you view these qualities as ‘negative’, or ‘bad’? Was that something that he instilled in you, or is that coming from the real you?
17: Who is the real you? Who are you in relation to your father? Don’t say ‘his child’. That one is obvious. I’m asking you how does he see you, and why? Are you okay with the way he sees you, and is the way he sees you congruent with the real you, or does your personality change when you are with him, to ‘make him proud’?
18: Are you happy with these answers? Were you being honest with yourself? If you weren’t, then why not? And what will you do to change yourself to become more like the real you?
Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions, and really ponder them too. Also, please thank yourself for taking that time to, because you deserve to allot yourself that gratitude. If you were raised by someone who wasn’t your father or mother, then please simply replace them in the questions, and the exercise will have the same effect.
There is an excerpt from a book called ‘The Way of the Superior Man’, by David Deida (I recommend to everyone because a healthy masculine essence balances out a healthy feminine essence; if one is out of wack then they both are). The book suggests the reader does an exercise in which they live as if their father has died. I want us to do this for both of our parents/guardians. Are there any feelings of relief, freedom, or joy? The sadness, I’m sure is there, but there comes a time when we must let go of these parental figures, and this is not to be confused with forsaking them. It is our mission in life as parental figures to enrich our children’s lives as much as possible. There is a big difference between offering our children freedoms which we never had, and honoring the fact that they are living, breathing freedom in the first place. By offering them the freedoms we never had, it is easy for our own emotions and biases to project upon them, and for us to end up living our own dreams through them. This is not something anyone wants, because we are here to live our own lives. On the other hand, by acting as a guide for our children, rather than a director, we allow them to learn as their highest aspect of Self truly wishes to. This is what family should truly be… freedom.
By allowing this freedom to blossom itself, the children become the unique sparks of divinity they were always meant to be in the first place, and the family, becomes like a jazz symphony, with diverse instruments all contributing perfectly to the overall sound of the masterpiece.
